When you die in Doncaster, it's not 'The End'.
Oh no. It's not even 'The Beginning of the End'.
However, it certainly is the Start of the Beginning.
(Somebody famous, said that.. or something like it. I think he also said, "We will fight them on the beaches.." Problem is, there aren't so many beaches in Donny. There used to be a 'gate' though. Problem was, no-one could ever work out what it was for. There wasn't a fence.. or anything.)
This is the point where the whole world seems to decide that they don't want to deal with you, that you must be telling lies, that you might be out to spoil the even tenor of their quietly cash-stashing little lives, that you could very well be a nuisance.
Now, let me make this quite clear. Ralph Winstanley is still dead. He had his beginning. It lasted for 83 years and three months. So this new start, is not with Ralph Winstanley.
It is of Ralph Winstanley though.
Let me show you a nice picture. It is the work of dear Little Simon Morritt. He's the man who heads up Doncaster Central Primary Care Trust, though there is a rumour that he might also be impersonating Jayne Brown and sending out letters as the Head of Doncaster East Primary Care Trust. Perhaps there has been a 'putsch'! Gosh, that would be exciting, wouldn't it.
You're getting there now. Page 2 - See paragraph I last sentence. Also the last para's a little 'belter, isn't it? (Sorry about the frivolity of the 'red' but I had to have something to cheer me.)
Anyway, dear Little Morritt thinks that's OK. He thinks I can't contact him any more. Well he has banned me from "his" premises - (don't ya jus luv Empire Builders?)
Also he has banned me from writing any letters, emails or faxes to him. He has banned me from telephoning him. Agh! It's getting so heartbreaking. I might weep.
So what does that leave? Pigeon Post? Nah! Wouldn't trust a pigeon to get away with it's life, if I sent it in there. After all my father didn't. And he was stronger than a pigeon. No, I quite like pigeons. So, it can't be by pigeon post.
Then there are smoke signals. I could sit out on White Rose Way, light a good smoky fire and wave a blanket over it. But would Little Morritt understand smoke signals. I doubt it. He's very good at smoke - the smoke of obfuscation - the smoke of prevarication. But I doubt that he's had the time to more than the language he knows.
I could send semaphore. Perhaps his secretary understands semaphore? I hear that secretaries are usually brighter than their bosses - just not as grasping on the slippery slope.
Now ESP has definite possibilities. For that, you need a receptive mind.. and well he's not terribly receptive either.
So what does that leave? The ginger wig?
Oh, by the way, he has also banned my sister. Poor thing, she's heartbroken. Still, at least she's got his letter to treasure. Not everyone gets a letter from Little Morritt. Perhaps it will be worth a fortune when pigs can fly. She's trying to find a suitable use for it. Someone suggested it might make a suitable 'doorstop' but its too insubstantial. I wonder if he'd write her a few more? That would be very health-giving. If she glued them all together it would stop doors from closing in her face. I just know that that would meet with the approval of the Chief Executive of Doncaster Central - or in my sister's case Doncaster East - Primary Care Trust. (I wonder if he has a split personality? Lucky he works for such a healthy lot really, isn't it? I suppose they'll have some expert or other to sort him out.)
However, he hasn't got round to banning my entire extended family..yet. It can only be a matter of time. Perhaps Auntie Minnie will have to stop cleaning White Rose Towers? She'd be so upset. Poo-oo-r Auntie Minnie. Still, life was never fair. She'll just have to brace herself and get on with it. I'm sure she'd be very good at drain cleaning.. and perhaps she could be paid more?
I'll have to consider. All suggestions accepted.. well most suggestions accepted. Mustn't get too bold, must I?
Back soon with more chat.
Charlotte - pp Ralph Winstanley
Ps Here's is a 'phrase or saying'. Can someone tell me who said it, please?
Murder's still murder. It's no good giving it a nice frock
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Protest songs and poems - coming shortly
- A Full Index
- Abide With Me (mine)
- Dead An Buried? Ardly!
- Director of Public Health - Dr Tony Baxter
- If - (not by Rudyard Kipling)
- Jayne Brown - The Cover-Up Woman
- Practice - Field Road Made
- Quack Quack Dr Lee
- St John's Hospice - My Father Was Not Dying
- Thanksgivin? Thanksgivin? Ah'll be Waitin On
- The NHS/PCT Thinks You Should Go
- The Palliative Gillian
- The Power behind the Patient Dr Brown
- ► 2005 (10)
- ▼ 2004 (24)